Easing Back Into It, Talking Money With Your Spouse, Life Is Happening For You | FRLN 149
This past week, I got to tell my story on the BiggerPockets Money Podcast.
In my early 30s, I was $80,000 in debt and 6 years behind on filing my taxes.
At 37, I became a millionaire.
At 42, I early retired from the 9–5 corporate gig.
At 44, I got to sit down with Mindy Jensen and Scott Trench and tell them how a guy working in Hollywood nightclubs ended up driving a Prius and getting genuinely excited about his savings rate.
That’s a pretty damn cool milestone for me. If you’ve been reading the Fit Rich Life Newsletter for a while, thank you for being part of the reason I get to do things like this. And if that podcast conversation is how you found me, welcome.
Listen to my interview on BiggerPockets Money (Spotify, Apple, YouTube, Web).
One funny thing about telling your life story in an hour is how quickly you get from the part where you make a mistake to the part where you’ve learned something. In real life, I tend to need a few more tries. My last six weeks are a pretty good example.
FIT — Easing Back Into It
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote that my energy was finally coming back. I’d had a great workout. My strength was down, which I expected, but I felt good enough to start thinking about how soon I could get back to my usual routine.
Then I did what I have a long history of doing. I felt better, pushed hard, and ended up feeling lousy again. I went on antibiotics and started feeling better. At this point I’d say I’m somewhere between 50% and 80% of my normal capacity, depending on the day and how hard I’ve been pushing.
At 50%, taking a rest day is pretty easy. At 80%, I start negotiating with myself.
Especially with pickleball. I know myself well enough to know what “I’ll just play a few games” can turn into once I’m on the court with my friends.
By Saturday, I’d played three times and gotten in one full strength workout. I wanted to play again. I took the day off, then went back out on Sunday for my fourth pickleball session of the week. I kept all my pickleball sessions short this week (1-1.5 hours) instead of my usual 2-4 hours. An older version of me would push through the fatigue. Which is what I did the other week (and f*cked myself).
For context, my normal week over the past 6 months has been 3-4 strength workouts and 5-7 days of pickleball. So yeah, part of me is frustrated as hell. I miss having the energy to do all that. But a few weeks ago, I would’ve been thrilled to feel good enough to play four times in one week. I want to give myself some credit for that, too.
Right now I’m paying attention to how I feel later that afternoon and the following morning. How much energy do I have left for the rest of my day? That’s something I can easily forget to ask when I’m on the court and someone needs a fourth for one more game.
RICH — Talking Money With Your Spouse
Carly and I are considering getting a place with enough room for her to have a painting studio at home. Our current home is beautiful, and we’ve loved living here. Unless we come up with a creative way to make room, though, it’s hard to see where a studio would go.
I can start crunching numbers and figure out what a change in rent would do to our monthly spending. The part I can only learn from Carly is what having a place to paint at home would mean to her. That’s where I want the conversation to start.
1. Get clear on the life you both want now. Carly and I have been together since 2013. A home can be exactly right for the two of you when you move in, and a few years later one of you wants room to paint. Your individual goals, desires, and finances will change over time. Your collective vision for your life together will also change.
2. Pick a time when you both have something left in the tank. I’m an early riser. By evening my brainpower is pretty much tapped out and I’m in what I call the zone of “no possibility.” Bring me the same question earlier in the day and I’m in “infinite possibility.” Especially if I’ve had some caffeine.
Knowing that about myself helps me say, “I want to give this some real thought. When would be a good time tomorrow?” Morning happens to work for me. Carly gets a say in the timing, too. We both deserve the version of each other who has the energy to be curious.
3. Be willing to compromise. With the studio, there are a few things worth exploring. Could we rethink how we use our current space? If we moved, what kind of setup would actually work for painting? What rent would still feel comfortable to both of us? We may each have to give a little. It helps to know which parts matter most to the other person before you start proposing things they could give up.
4. Plan on having more than one conversation. One talk might be about what the studio could look like. Another might be about the numbers. Give yourselves time to sit with the options and come back to them until you reach a decision you both feel good about. Money is going to be part of your relationship for as long as you’re sharing a life. The sooner it feels normal to bring it up, the easier it is to say, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you said.”
LIFE — Everything Is Happening for You
When I started feeling sick again after thinking I’d finally turned the corner, my first thought was pretty much, Are you fucking kidding me?
One belief I come back to in moments like that is that everything is happening for me. It gives me a question I can actually do something with. If this experience is happening for me, what can I gain from it?
When I’m tired after doing a fraction of what I used to do, it’s easy to feel like my body is working against me. I can also choose to believe it’s working for me. That it knows how to heal. That if I slow down enough and get quiet enough, I can hear what it needs. That’s tough to do when I’ve already decided the answer should be “3 hours of pickleball.”
I’ve noticed that life tends to hand me the same lesson until I learn it and get to move on to the next one. Apparently I’m still working on balance. I’ve written about rest. I’ve talked about it on the podcast. Then Saturday rolls around, I want to play, and I get another chance to practice what I’ve been talking about.
I want my full energy back. Of course I do. And I believe getting better at listening to my body will help me find my way back to the capacity I’m used to. On Saturday, listening meant resting even though I wanted to play. On Sunday, I got to pick up my paddle again.
ACTION — Keep Leveling Up
Choose one (or two) from below and level up your life:
FIT: Use this week to practice better communication with your body. It's an ongoing dialogue of when to push and when to rest.
RICH: Get clear on what your individual goals are in this season of life, then spend some time co-creating an updated collective life vision with your partner.
LIFE: Think of a frustrating situation that feels familiar. What lesson keeps showing up for you? Name one thing you could do differently the next time it happens.
Talking with Mindy and Scott on BiggerPockets Money gave me a chance to look back on how much my life has changed. It’s a lot easier to see what an experience taught me decades later than it is on a Saturday when I feel 80% better and really want to play pickleball.
This week, the lesson I keep coming back to is listening. Sometimes that means getting quiet enough to hear what my body needs. Sometimes it means asking Carly what it would mean to her to have a place to paint at home, then giving her the space to tell me. I think that’s part of what it means to believe life is happening for me. Even when I wish things were moving faster, there’s something I can learn if I slow down long enough to hear it.
Where in your life could you use a little more listening this week?
To your health, wealth, and happiness,
— Justin David Carl
P.S. If someone you love is earning good money and wondering where it all goes, I know that feeling well. Send them my conversation with Mindy and Scott on BiggerPockets Money (Spotify, Apple, YouTube, Web). I share what finally helped me turn things around.